I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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