i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he just fucked me for my cheese..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
