So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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