I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize