hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
