Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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