hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
