Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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