I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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