So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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