I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
kristin has been a bad kristin
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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