I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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