Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
