Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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