Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
