Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
