I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
