I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
