So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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