i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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