I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
