this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
