have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
