People with herpes should wear stickers.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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