Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
