I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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