and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
