We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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