last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
