his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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