So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
