she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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