omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
