I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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