Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
