i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
