to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Boobs are out for the taking
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
