WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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