I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
