You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
