Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
