All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
