Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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