just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
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Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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