I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
