You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
dude. I can hear the air.
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