Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
