I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
