yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
