What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
