You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day