she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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