She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am naked and annoyed.
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