I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
