Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
