there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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