she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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