I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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