90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
only you would photoshop your dick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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