My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
