is your mom at the bar?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
