My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
