I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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