It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
