My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
