Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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