tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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