i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
time to smoke my breakfast
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I AM VODKA MAN
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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