in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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