you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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