I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
