honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
