i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
