so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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