when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
