Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
