i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
